Why do couples swing?
Why would a couple want to swing if they are happy together? Most people have a hard time understanding why couples decide to swing. When we are asked why we swing our answer is because we are happy! The majority of people in the lifestyle have many things going for them.
- They have a deep love for their partner and a strong commitment to the success and longevity of their relationship.
- They have excellent and honest communication skills and problem solving skills (you made it through puberty…you have issues).
- They support each other and have a desire to fulfill each others wants and needs, not only in the necessities of every day life but sexually as well.
- They also have a healthy sexual attitude.
When couples honestly share each other’s sexual desires and fantasies, they feel they create an intimate bond. Sex is one of the most important activities you can share with someone. Sex is also a natural, healthy drive, much like eating, drinking and sleeping. Why do people want to have sex with people they barely (no pun) know? What is the attraction?
First, there is a bit of exhibitionism and voyeurism in all of us. Some people are appalled at those feelings and do their best to hide them. Others enjoy giving in to them. You can certainly do either or both at an orgy.
Second is the promise of strong visual stimulation. Watching new partners and other couples engage in a variety of sexual activities provides wonderful sexual pleasure.
What should be your first concern? The question you need to ask is what could happen to your relationship if you act on your fantasies. The desire to preserve the relationship you have with each other should be a shared concern by both partners. Above all, let your partner know s/he is number one. Can you separate romantic love from recreational sex? For swinger’s physical acts of sexual pleasure, just for pleasure, is different from making love to your primary partner. By sharing your deepest desires and intimate sexual experience many couples claim swinging has brought them closer. If you can talk honestly about sex and feelings…you can talk about anything.
Swinging is not about cheating. Cheating will result in hurt, loss of trust and confidence. Partners who are honest and open can enhance their bond. Couples enjoy the emotional and sexual honesty provided by swinging. (how people swing will be covered at another time)
How do you know is swinging is for you? Ask yourself and answer truthfully these questions.
- Do you understand that romantic love and recreational sex are two different things?
- How will you feel when you see your partner obtaining sexual satisfaction with another person?
- Are you doing this to please yourself or to please your partner?
- What fantasies do you have and how would you like to go about fulfilling them? Can you fulfill them together?
- Can you be totally, brutally honest with each other about everything?
- Are you ready to accept an honest answer to your question - even if it's not the answer you wanted or expect to hear?
- Are completely committed to each other?
- Can you be ready to "come to the aid" of your partner or keep your partner's well being and feelings foremost in your thoughts (check on your mate periodically - "Are you OK, Having fun, etc.") during your party experiences?
- Can you stop in the middle of a sexual experience, if your partner really needs you?
- Can you honestly tell your partner you love them after you watch them engage in sexual activities with another person?
- How do you feel about bisexuality for yourself and/or your partner? (There are fewer male bisexuals in swinging than female, but you should discuss the topic, you may surprise yourself.)
Couples make the conscious decision to have sex with other people. This type of behavior has been going on for a long time and we hope will never totally disappear.
Many great local swing clubs thrive, conducting parties on a regular basis, right under the noses of the non-swinging world. They're warm and welcoming, great places to get started as well as great places for experienced swingers to meet people. Get out there and start exploring your sexuality and enhancing your relationship. Over the years we have given orientations and spoken at conventions. We have learned that swingers consist of many different people, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. We have learned to embrace those differences. You will fit in just fine.